byeol.

th0u6htfu1: sevenlettersin: faithpalm: The realest worship...

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 23:39:13 -0400

sevenlettersin:

faithpalm:

The realest worship set ever. “Give them applause, they’ll shut up, alright”.

I’m glad I wasn’t there at this performance. I would have died laughing and embarrassed anyone sitting next to me.

LOL SOoo funny!!! but sadly, too true too many times…

Hahahahahahaha

I want out.

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 23:38:26 -0400

I want out.

iloveedm: hahaha Haha so cute„:)

Fri, 09 Sep 2011 23:27:16 -0400

iloveedm:

hahaha

Haha so cute„:)

BE LIFTED HIGH - BETHEL LIVE Be lifted high Be lifted high For...

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 11:02:44 -0400

BE LIFTED HIGH - BETHEL LIVE

Be lifted high
Be lifted high
For Your glory, be lifted high

You’re the King of all the ages
You’re the author of salvation
You’re the reason why we’re singing for Your glory
Lord release the sound of Heaven
Let it rise in every nation
We will join the anthem singing

You’re the everlasting Father
You’re the all consuming fire
You’re the reason why we’re living for Your glory
We will be the generation
Calling down the reign of Heaven
We will join the anthem singing

Be lifted high Be lifted high higher and higher Lord
Be lifted high Be lifted high higher and higher Lord

Psalms 73:26 Psalms 51:10 Everything flows from the...

Tue, 06 Sep 2011 04:34:54 -0400

Psalms 73:26 Psalms 51:10

Everything flows from the heart… so I must guard it. Jesus, help me to be pious and holy; I desire to live a pure and anointed life in You.

…guard your heart.. …guard your heart.. And be lifted high because You are the reason why I am here. This is my purpose, to lift Your name on high.

Be Lifted High - Bethel Live

the big two

Sat, 03 Sep 2011 12:36:17 -0400

questions ive been asking myself lately…

what is my life coming down to?

what is my purpose?

phillintheblank: Cheesy (but secretly good) Pick Up Lines...

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 01:09:23 -0400

phillintheblank:

Cheesy (but secretly good) Pick Up Lines #1.

If I had a star for everytime you made me smile,

I would be holding the night sky in my hand.

this is so cute!

i kinda wanna get away

Wed, 10 Aug 2011 00:50:41 -0400

i kinda wanna get away

1. I’ve been practicing. It’s so hard and sometimes,...

Sat, 18 Jun 2011 04:19:57 -0400

1. I’ve been practicing. It’s so hard and sometimes, I don’t want to open it let alone touch it. However, I’ve been pushing myself and I’ve been getting a lot more comfortable and my playing sounds a lot smoother than before. So I’m excited.. even though I don’t want to play it.

2. I’ve been practicing and I’ve been improving. It’s not as choppy anymore and it flows. Although I can manage to play progressions and do random fill-ins, I still can’t seem to play and sing songs… :/ I’m writing my second song on piano.

3. I’ve decided to get back into and start playing again. So I’ve been practicing. It’s super frustrating because I still need to continue playing “outside of the box” and to expand beyond the horizons of just playing what’s on paper. But soon and very soon. I will be playing. I’m ear-trained in this instrument to play the note&harmony I want to play, so in this, I consider myself lucky.

4. I still have yet to start. I’ve been telling myself that I’d take out and set up all my supplies and at least buy a canvas… but reminding myself is so much easier than actually doing it. Aigoo. And time is so precious and hard to find recently.

Ambition. Discipline. Motivation. That’s all it takes to keep moving.

Other than the hard work and minor frustrations, I’m excited. (: Yay.

Every single day has been a struggle for me.. But Jesus, I trust in You and that’s that.

My Life...

Thu, 26 May 2011 02:57:43 -0400

Is getting very interestingly enjoyable. I’ve hated spontaneity in the past… WHY!? Yes.. I’ve been asking myself the same question.

I love it.

New friendships, New relationships, Hiking, bowling, softball, music, ahhh! What’s next!?

I’M EXCITED AND ANXIOUS WHERE LIFE WILL TAKE ME NEXT <3

THE SIMPLICITY OF LIFE. Comes down to one thing: To know and...

Tue, 17 May 2011 01:35:00 -0400

THE SIMPLICITY OF LIFE.

Comes down to one thing: To know and love God and make Him known to all.

On the other hand: I must make a confession.. I spotted white hairs on my hairy-head-head. :( NO IT’S NOT GENERIC. Sigh. I tell you, it’s all the unconscious stress. Haha is that possible? Yes. I am living proof. I don’t even know what’s going on right now. The photo explains it all. I feel like everything around me is moving so fast.. people, time, and memories are flying past me. I run after them but they seem to outrun me. I cannot seem to grasp anything in my hands.

Everything is happening so quickly.. I feel lost but not lost. I’ve been changing.. that I don’t seem to know who I am anymore. I don’t know. I’m not depressed or angry. Lols. My relationship with Jesus is different. My perspectives are changing. I don’t know. Everything is so weird. I feel like I hibernated for nine years and came back to life.. where everything has changed. TRANSITION.. is definitely something I need to get accustomed to… else I retreat back into my cave.

I kind of just want to be left alone.. Is this bad? Or is it alright to be by myself for a short time? I don’t know what to do.. I don’t want to go back to living in isolation again.. AT THE SAME TIME, I still want to do so many things. I plan to achieve each and every one on my list. (I made a bucket list a little while back.. I don’t know if it’s still on my tumblr.. whatever.)

Hiking.

Tanning.

Writing more music.

Singing at a gig.

Road trip (this will include buying bottles of motion sickness meds)

Recording&making an album.

…just everything musical, I plan on learning.

Rekindling old friendships.. and I mean ancient.

Reading 100 books> political, fiction, history, christian.

Missions… maybe.

Study my LSAT text books.

Kite flying.

Dating.. HAHAHA

Yoga class.

Exercise on regular basis.

Read entire Bible cover to cover.

Paint.

Picnic.

Go golfing.. range & field.

Buy ukulele, learn and play.

Search and discover a secret, mellow, and relaxing cafe.

Live at Grace Prayer Mountain for a week or so.

Museums.

Arboretums.

Knit scarves for fall/winter.

Continue growing out my hair. (will NOT cut length.. will protect even while sleeping)

I’m done for now. There are so many other things I want to and am going to do.

I swear my mind thinks faster than the rate of the speed of light. I know I jump from one topic to another in less than .4 of a second. I know I blurt and mumble and talk fast that you can’t understand. But that’s just how I am sometimes. This blog definitely proves all of this correct. (I’m still able to have a normal conversation) LOL great. Anyway, goodnight. a;sldkfj. too much thinking. blahh

Silence

Tue, 10 May 2011 00:36:46 -0400

I find myself a little roused. There seems to be a growing hole within the depths of my soul and I think to myself… what is this eerie feeling? I catch myself reacting with frustration to more than a couple things these days. What is it that seems to be gnawing at my stomach and groaning deeply in my pit of my core?

Wondering and pondering upon the questions I’ve been having, I came to realize the very things that have been hindering and stumbling me.. It’s crazy how even after living twenty one years of life, I’m still learning more and more about myself.

And there are just too many things that I possibly do not wish to write on paper or type on my blog. They’re just endless thoughts I wish to share with and speak to whomever might be interested. Let’s chat over a mug of hot chocolate wrapped warm in poofy blankets beneath the glowing moon and glittering midnight sky.

Special thanks to my girl friends: Weeweee, ShaCha, ErinK.

I miss you “L” sisters :( I still have high hopes in getting closer and closer and really becoming REAL sisters and friends. More than being accountability partners and just meeting up every once in a while, I really want to be girl friends with you! So please please let’s meet up and even have sleep overs or something. Lol. Miss you: Diana, Erin, Christine, Hannah <3

(I have so many other people to thank, but then it would take a hundred hours to list them all. Hehe I will mention you in a later post)

Wishful Thinking

Fri, 22 Apr 2011 03:53:33 -0400

Everything is happening so fast. My life is transitioning, and I’m changing. It’s good and all, but I feel so overwhelmed. A part of me wants to go back into the old hermit shell and remain in solitude but my new self won’t let me. Circumstances and situations forbid me to return. I know things will never be the same again… but must it be so tempting?

P.S. I get the message now, thanks.

P.P.S. So… I have a list of activities I want to do and some I want to start up again:) Do it with me!!! Join me! And they are in no specific order.

Golfing, ATVing, softball, shooting, bicycling, mini-golfing, rock climbing, watch musicals, road trip, hot air ballooning, camping, evangelizing, missions!

Let’s gogogogogogooo! I will love you for life if you go with me. Hahahehehoho

Powerful. Overwhelming. Exuding. Marvelous. Glorious. Emanating....

Sun, 17 Apr 2011 02:26:00 -0400

Powerful. Overwhelming. Exuding. Marvelous. Glorious. Emanating. Beautiful. Uncontainable. Sufficient. Alpha. Omega. King. Majestic. Ahh!!

Trying to understand the greatness of God is like trying to count all the sea creatures in the sea. Tonight I struggle deep inside my heart as I search for words to describe the greatness of God. Mere words are not enough to describe Him. There are days I ask myself so many heart wrenching and mind boggling questions; What moves His heart? Are my actions pleasing to the Lord? Is my heart in the right place? Why can’t I live in boldness and conviction like He wants me to? Why does injustice always seem to prevail in this repulsive and dark world? Why must I continue to indulge in the pleasures of my flesh? Why do I do the things I do sometimes? ….. sigh.. and the list goes on. I wrestle with my mind constantly only to end up restless and anxious as I push myself to finish my daily duties. It is only at night when the world becomes still and everyone hides in the comfort and safety of their homes that I can finally crawl under my own covers and settle down. My brain starts replaying scenes of every possible event or revelation that occurred in the current day. Inevitably, its deafening conjunctions obstruct the peace and quiet that my soul hungers for. And in the midst of all the noise, all the lies of the enemy, and all the self condemnation, I cannot help in my downturn but seek His presence.. His comfort. Too much ‘life’, or lack thereof, has happened and I am determined to shut out my fleshly distractions to hear His voice. I am led to silence myself and search within the depths of my heart. I listen for that faint whisper.. that still and small voice. I must say sometimes, it takes a little while to finally shut up. But He comes.. and without fail He speaks to me. Sometimes it’s simple and clear. Maybe I get butterflies in my stomach. At times, I’m deeply burdened as He shares His heart with me. Other times it’s the joy, laughter, and the heart of praise that fills me. Moreover, there have been times when His presence… His Spirit was so overwhelming that I couldn’t even dare to come face to face with His magnificence. When this happens, I just want to shrivel up and hide in a corner. Why do I react like this? It’s not that I’m ashamed… and it’s not that I’m scared. On a different note, I find myself to be an overly detestable being who simply cannot fathom the depths of His love and power of His truth. Who am I that God Almighty would be mindful of me? Why did He choose me? Why did God, before I was in my mother’s womb, make plans for me? Who is this God that He would forsake His only Son to die and take up all sin and burden for the sake of love? My mind cannot process nor understand it. This overwhelms me. And just as John fell to the ground like a dead person when the Word of God was spoken to him by an angel in the book of Revelation, I feel as though I can relate. I am but a fragile and empty shell with a life span of a spray of mist. Here I am, living for the purpose of waiting to be filled with His Word, truth, and love.. so that I may share it with others. Every inch and millimeter of myself, I desire deep in my heart to be exposed by the Spirit. The conviction that seeps and pierces through my soul, the light that blinds me even when my eyes are shut, the fragrance that pierces my lungs, and the bajillion butterflies crammed in my stomach that fight to get out… is how I feel. Did you ever run so fast and so long that when you stopped, you felt as though your heart could explode out of your chest? Yes.. It’s the feeling of jumping into a freezing pool after sweating in the blazing sun. It’s the feeling of knowing that God is so much bigger and His love is more than enough to motivate you to get off your lazy butt and start living an obedient life unto Him. These are my feelings exactly. (BUT IT’S SO HARD!) Note however, that these are not simply emotions that fly everywhere. It’s about what I’m struggling with. It’s where I am on the path. My flesh is always and constantly in battle with my spirit. Sometimes, I feel like a crazy lady when I’m praying outloud in my car and the person in the car next to me is just staring at me with her eyes wide open. At first, I’m like, “Oh geez, how embarrassing..” and I kind of stop… But dang, who cares?! Isn’t His love so wonderful and isn’t His goodness enough for you to go even further by opening your windows and praying even louder and singing praise songs off pitch? (all in humility:)) Hahahehe the thought makes me giggle right now. So I have a personal testimony: I went out with a couple of my school friends for a drink at night. At first, I was indifferent about drinking.. but after, I caught myself filtering out all topics about the Bible, Jesus, and Christianity.. It’s so weird because I love talking about the Bible, Jesus, and Christianity with my fellow churchmates. So my struggle here wasn’t the drinking part.. it was knowing that I desired pleasure from the world. Seeing myself being entertained by worldly things, being ashamed of judgment for my ‘beliefs’, stumbling them… and flirting with sin, it hit me. It was utter horror in the fact that I was living two completely different lives. How could I search for God and desire to be holy, pure, and set apart from this world when outside of ‘church’ I was ecstatic to indulge in worldly pleasures? I really became ashamed of myself before God.. and by the grace of the Spirit, I was convicted to repent.

See what a sinner I am? I am the world’s greatest sinner. Hahaha. But then.. the Spirit comes and convicts. I was so used to condemning myself.. judging myself.. changing myself and compromising with the world for the sake of making everyone else around me comfortable that I completely forgot about God’s standards for me.

And so this is the part I struggle with: In the midst of all the chaos, God still remains faithful… He is slow to anger and so quick to forgive.. always filled with love and compassion. How great is our God. How great is our God. Do you really even think about God’s greatness when you say and sing it? Or is it so engraved into your brain and you’ve become so apathetic that you’re completely thinking about something else when you sing it at church? It’s all I can feel and all I can say. His love really is enough. It’s sufficient to wipe away my tears and shame, for it abounds with grace and mercy. His name truly strikes happy and hyper major chords in my heart. No minor chords for me tonight ;) In joy, in conviction, and in power I must live now.. forever content because my God is good and because His love endures forever and ever. It’s the most important thing. It would mean nothing if I loved God but He didn’t love me. It would mean nothing if God loved me but I didn’t love Him. We need to be on a two-way street. We need to respond to His love. This is what I learned during my time of my last struggle.. I must respond and react to God’s powerful and motivating love. This is how I show my love for Him. And it just makes both of us happier and happier. Teehehe. God loves me and I love Him back. If I love Him, then I must share the news with others. I share the news because He loves not only me but my friends, too. They receive love and it just becomes a never ending cycle of love.

So let’s try to always remember.. it’s not about our issues… it’s about giving Him the glory. It’s not about us trying to comprehend His greatness, it’s simply about us obeying. It’s not about our success in life, it’s about preparing the way for His second coming. It’s about His kingdom. It’s all about Him. And we have more than enough to start… It’s just a food for thought. So let’s go fishing.. and you know what kind.

You

Sun, 03 Apr 2011 07:40:49 -0400

Only You know the desires of my heart and only You know me inside and out. So change my heart because deep inside, I’m a very wretched soul. Piety is what I long for, to live a holy and blameless life in You. I confess my hope.

(Come Away- Jesus Culture)

Oh Joy.

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 07:59:11 -0400

In the midst of my frustrations and in the time of my being in the wilderness, I find myself seeking after God and asking and knocking at His heart. Slowly, but surely, He’s answering. It’s just the presence. I don’t need all the pampering or gifts. All I need is His presence. I just need and want Him.

Oh, joy of the Spirit, although you don’t show up in your burst of fullness, how I have missed you so. And it’ll be alright. I’m content. As I pray, I will be even more joyful regardless of hard times and new chapters that are to come.

Just keep going. Stay faithful just as He remains faithful.

Everything. Is just. So. Frustrating. Frustrating to the point...

Thu, 17 Mar 2011 03:19:00 -0400

Everything. Is just. So. Frustrating. Frustrating to the point that I’m at a loss of words. Usually by now, I would have started writing and writing and writing. Something like this would have triggered my eyes to start flowing with its salty tears. But for some odd reason, I’m completely dry. No tears, nothing. I guess my brain is just always running one step ahead.. but not to worry. Everything will be okay. I’m just hopeful… although it may be a small speck of light, I know God is good and He makes all things work according to His plan.

So Jesus, soothe and heal this broken aching heart of mine. I don’t want any more of this world. I just want You.

There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning.

Exactly

Thu, 24 Feb 2011 23:39:18 -0500

49 DAYS LEFT.

Valentines Day. Was the best. It was the best not because I had...

Tue, 15 Feb 2011 04:17:59 -0500

Valentines Day. Was the best. It was the best not because I had a boyfriend to shower me with attention, flowers, and love but because I got to meet someone I missed a lot.

(BEFORE YOU START READING, FORGIVE ME OF ALL GRAMMATICAL AND SPELLING ERRORS TO COME, IT’S PAST 1 AM AND I’M SUPER SLEEPY BUT I HAD TO WRITE IT, HOPE YOU GET BLESSED)

First let me explain from the beginning so it’ll be even greater glory given to God as I tie everything in together later.

So..this past month has been really tough for me and ever since school started, I’ve been so busy studying and working my life away. To be honest, I just stopped caring. I got sick and tired of people. I hated the noise and the useless bonding & “fellowship”. On top of that, school and its share of reading assignments and class discussions were such burdens on my shoulder. Working every day wasn’t easy. I was extremely exhausted. Work was the thing that just sucked away my energy and breathe and life… hence the pale skin and dark circles under my eyes.

All I wanted was one simple little thing. I just wanted a day to rest. A day to have for me, myself, and I. ME ONLY. A day to just be by myself in peace and quiet: a day for me to forget living in the dark abyss of constant tyranny of time and money ruling over my poor weak soul and the never-ending nagging of what my life in reality gave me. A day to just go sit at a peaceful, moodful, cafe and read books on my kindle…. is all I wanted. All in all, I just wanted to escape the essences of my life for a day.

I had no time to waste. Every minute was precious to me. I still think it’s precious. I can’t believe I’m writing this when I need my beauty sleep. Anyway… I had no time to deal with my spiritual and worldly struggles. I guess I just didn’t want to go through having to face my problems and overcome them.. but then again, I didn’t want to ‘lose’ either so I just avoided them and suppressed them and covered them with bandaids over bandaids over bandaids. Eventually, it just happened to be on Valentine’s Day that as I was driving to the office to pick up my paycheck after studying (mind you that this was at 11:20 PM) I was praying in the car desiring to meet the Lord when I suddenly felt convicted to drive back towards church to pray and seek God. So I did. Wow.. there were so many people there just praying! On Valentine’s Day too ): Anyway, I prayed and for some reason, I felt so wretched and disgusted with myself. I repented for being so selfish and whatnot… but still, all I felt was… pretty much nothing. I know it’s not about feelings or emotions but I needed something. Even a tiny, ‘hi’ from Him. I was desperate alright?! Anyway, Iwanted to meet God. And I prayed, in my mind hoping I wouldn’t have to stay all night praying, to God telling Him that I wouldn’t leave the spot unless He came and met me. Hahaha, it was past 11pm. But I was sincere. Anyway, moving on, I kept praying and praying and praying. I tried being silent and listened…. NOTHING. I got NOTHING. It was around 11:45PM. I’ve only been praying for a little while now when I realized something SO CRUCIAL. I took that into mind and prayed the most simple prayer, ‘Holy Spirit, come.’ And immediately, I started bawling. Crying on Valentine’s Day? How awesome. And as the Spirit was convicting me, He showed and reminded me of His love. Not just for me but for us… That God the Father condemned His only sinless, pure, holy, precious Son so that I, we, and all sinners might be saved from the depths of eternal hellfire. This is what the Spirit revealed to me in greater depth tonight. And what’s even greater is that even though I was repenting and wallowing in my pity of self-wretchedness with such ugly remorse, God was STILL telling me how much He loved me. I’m not being a bitter jealous prick… but here are my thoughts. Ladies and gents, I don’t need a Valentine’s date to make me feel all loved and special. I got all I need in Jesus Christ, my personal Lord and Savior and Friend. It’s not a cliche. He’s really my best friend and I’m so thankful I got to end this lovely day with Him for He is really all I desire and need. He’s really got all of my heart.

So I guess I did end up having a Valentine’s date after all ;) <3

Controlled sound is amazing.

Tue, 01 Feb 2011 03:29:30 -0500

Controlled sound is amazing.